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    愧疚感,是謀殺人類幸福的首要元兇

      01

      “就是覺得,自己特別對不起你。”

      有天躺在床上跟老爸視頻,聊著最近的工作和學習,我爸突然冒出這么一句,搞得我挺不適應。

      問他為什么這么說,他說:“你高中之后爸爸就那么忙,沒時間陪你,跟你談心。現在,即不知道你想什么又幫不上你。”

    愧疚感,是謀殺人類幸福的首要元兇

      我聽了,極其拼命想解釋清楚是我自己在迷茫,并不是他的錯。

      我是什么樣的人,自己未來要做什么,沒人能代我思考這些問題。

      掛了電話,我知道電話兩端的我和老爹都還是心有戚戚。

      發現負罪感是種很玄的東西。

      一句“都是因為我”能讓你身邊所有倒霉的事,都跟你扯上責任連帶關系。

      你舍友餓肚子,是因為你拒絕給他帶飯,哪怕你今天上了一天課,他中午剛剛爬起來還沒睡醒;

      你父母老是為你吵架,因為你不夠優秀老讓他們操心;

      你小姑的妹妹的外甥沒有工作,都是因為找你你沒給找關系。

      孟子說:“人生于憂患,死于安樂。”

      我卻想說多少人生于責任,死于背負。

      以前讀金庸先生的《天龍八部》,就覺得喬峰是最可憐的人物。

      “南慕容,北喬峰”十足的英雄。奈何天意弄人,喬峰生于契丹卻長于南宋。他為親背負血海深仇,卻誤殺阿朱,為情死守一人,卻終不可得;

      被冤枉著弒父母,弒師傅,卻發現殺人的是自己生父“是父親殺的,也就是我殺的,不算冤枉”,為了義不接受封號,挾持自己結拜義兄大遼皇帝發誓“永不攻宋”,但身為契丹人又算背棄了自己的家園國土,覺得實在無顏于天地茍活,自盡于父母死去的山崖。

      曾經他是可以躲過的,阿朱希望跟他天涯海角,牧馬放羊。但他不能走,“蕭峰身上還有‘血海深仇’”.他的矛盾,都在于肩負太多,情義太過。

      02

      因為放不下內心的愧疚感,舍不得去幸福。

      身邊的人都不快樂我憑什么快樂,我父母都沒享受過的豐盛,我有什么資格去享受富足?中國人的世界里套路里永遠是我有你沒有,就會出問題。

      生活里好像快樂是最后要來滿足的,喜悅和開心是負罪的事情。

      朋友圈一旦你能低調就不要高調,發個說說展示最近你新買的房子剛提的車,就會有人覺得好像你故意曬財富,誰沒有啊?

      發發一家人合家歡,一不小心刺激到哪個人說你秀恩愛裝幸福,為什么能不能誠實一點說說真正的不易生活?

      就連你去旅行也會有人說:“你爸媽都沒去過那么好的地方,你還好意思笑這么開心!”

      我們那么努力的在平凡里小心翼翼的演著獨角戲,是這世界最大的悲劇。

      背負太多的人,其實容不得不完美和做不到,好像發了“好人卡”就注定自我犧牲著生活。

      有個人幾乎所有人都會講他孝順、顧家,愿意幫助朋友,只有一個人說:“他忙起來看著都可憐”.

      為了成全一個名聲,沒人在乎他快不快樂。

      背負太多的人,總把別人的生活煩惱圈進自己的生活。

      《天堂五分鐘》里那個曾經剝奪了自己哥哥生命的男人真正站在了他的弟弟喬的面前。當年的他因為踢球躲過一劫,卻被同樣痛苦不堪的母親在車里歇斯底里地指責年僅十一歲的他沒有施以援手,阻止暴行。

      血,必須用血來清洗,同樣33年之后,Jon–在仇恨里依舊泥足深陷,無法自拔——干掉他至少能讓自己幸福5分鐘,這是電影名字的來由。

      好多時候我們都像駱駝,經歷過了,再重新細細咀嚼著不堪回首地過去。問題是時間不會讓一切淡去,而是讓回憶揭開越發沉重的傷疤,帶著我們墜入更深的折磨里。

      我們可以允許任何人對我們造成傷口,卻獨獨不愿放過傷痕累累的自己。

      03

      喬打倒了自己的妻子,瘋狂地吶喊:“我要我的天堂五分鐘!”

      那種感覺就像蝸牛一直背著沉重的行囊很慢很慢地走在路上,卻始終不肯對那些千斤重量的東西加以拋棄。慢慢地,終于連我們自己都無法喘息而爆發的最后的呻吟。

      二樓不高,摔下來的兩個男人清醒過來,此時他們終于要面對影片也是導演愿意叫觀眾相信的觀念:忘記仇恨背后的內心糾結,寬恕別人,并使自己獲得新生。

      阿里斯塔爾忍著痛,向喬說了一遍當年一時“憤青”殺掉他哥哥的前后過程,然后告訴他:“忘掉我,這樣當你早晨醒來,引入你腦海的不是我的臉,而是你女兒們的臉,別把我帶進他們的生活。我什么都不是,告訴她們你已經殺死了我,你現在可以為她們而活。”

      其實無論我們以什么理由,最后我們的心都只想要幸福而已。

      不背負的人,到底是什么狀態?

      不背負的人,真正敢于坦然對自己負責。

      你完全可以拋開那些沒必要放在心里的東西,從中解脫,讓自己心情更加輕松些,更加自由一些。忘記那些不開心的事情,想想那些開心的事情——過多的承擔讓我們不自由,讓我們看不到生活的美好顏色。

      而如果你愿意站在生命的高處,終將收復本該屬于你的自由,也是因為擁有這塊高地的緣故。

      不背負的人,全然了解一個事實——無論你幫了別人多少,也無法代替別人去生活。

      他如果不幸,那跟你并沒有什么直接的關系,沒人能主宰另一個人的生活,他自己才是真正做選擇的那個。

      有責任感的表現從不是在你身邊的人被你甩了一截的時候人家說:“喂喂,你慢點跑!”你就真再倒回來跟他一起陷在不幸里掙扎,而是你在提升自己的能力范圍之內拽他一把。

      所以,從現在起卸去負重吧,我們本來就是體驗在世上走了一遭的美好。

      從現在起先接受自己吧,該過去的就過去,留下的就不是壞事,真正對身邊的人負責任的最好方法是先活好自己,畢竟其他的啥都是后話。

      作者:鮑鮑(富書部專欄作者)

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